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Graduation and Bank Robberies

My niece graduated from high school today.  She walked across the stage and came out on the other side as an adult.  So they say.  A couple well meaning people asked her if she felt different now and she shrugged, "Not really."  I remember that feeling clearly.  I walked across the stage.  I graduated.  Though I don't remember my actual walk across the stage, I do remember Bazil Datzman (sorry Bazil if I didn't spell your name correctly after all these years) carried a tabletop dictionary that must've weighed several pounds.  Probably on a dare.  And Larry Lufkin wore cutoff tattered jean shorts under his robe.  Larry was the epitome of cool-can-do in high school.  Wherever he is in life right now, I hope he kept that fun, devil may care way about him.  That's all I remember.  My head knew I had reached a milestone but my emotions said, "So what?  You'll wake up tomorrow morning just like you woke up this morning, in the same room, in the same bed with the same clothes thrown on the floor in the corner."  It took several years until I started to feel grown up.  Even birthing children didn't give me the grown up vibe.  A part of me couldn't believe I could have a baby and take him out of the hospital for free.  Of course, now I know the joke was on me.  Ain't no free with a baby. 

Right now, sitting here typing, I feel grown up and I love the age that I am.  48 feels great!  But I can't pinpoint when I grew up.  When did I make the transition from kid faking grown up to most assuredly grown up?  No matter when it happened, I am glad it did and I wouldn't go back to the younger me for anything.  It was too much work to make it to the me I am now.  Maturity's a bitch sometimes, but immaturity is downright painful.  My niece, filled with self confidence, will have to grow up in her own time.  I don't envy her the hard bumps and difficult ups and downs, but I wish them for her so that, hopefully, she'll discover her grown up self and appreciate the heck out of her.

Funniest line I've heard in a long time:

My cousin (mother of the niece that graduated) drank enough champagne this afternoon to feel very happy.  Her friend commented that "H" wasn't wearing the dress that they'd picked out.  My cousin said that "H" had gone shopping and decided she preferred a dress with more cleavage appeal.  One of the other women noted she wished she had some of "H"'s cleavage.  My happy cousin who weighs a bit more now than she used to sat up straight, thrust out her chest and declared,  "I have cleavage.  I grew them with chips and salsa." 

Another cousin, my executive banker cousin, told a story of an attempted bank robbery when her career was barely starting and she worked as a teller at a drive through on a weekend about to pop with child.  Almost 9 months pregnant and a man drove up wearing sunglasses and a hat.  Through the vacuum tube he sent a bag and a deposit slip  blank on once side and  5 seconds = $5,000 written on the other side.  At first my cousin thought he'd sent a bag of change through the tube but when she opened the bag there was a black box with a red wire hanging out on one side and a white wire hanging out on the other.  This story wouldn't be funny except she wasn't scared but pissed off.  How dare he send a bomb through the tube to a 9 month pregnant woman!  Looking at him to acknowledge his note, she acted as though she was reaching into the drawer and putting money in the bag and pressed the magic emergency button that calls for help.  After a few seconds, she sent the bomb, with no money in the bag, right back to him and then dived into the bathroom which was located right behind her.  She huddled there waiting for an explosion which, thankfully, never came. 

She learned later from the FBI that he'd successfully robbed several other banks in the vicinity with his bomb and note.  She was the only one who not only refused to give him money but sent the bomb back to him.  Pfft!  Never mess with a hormonal pregnant woman!  Stupid bank robber.

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